


Secrets I Won't Tell You (But I Kinda Want To)

by Crimsonrox



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), Sassy Red Lion, Season 3, Sleep Deprived Lance, bonding moment mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 06:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14183004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimsonrox/pseuds/Crimsonrox
Summary: Lance can't sleep after everything that's been going on recently with Shiro straight up disappearing and Lance becoming the new red paladin. So in the middle of the night, he goes to Red for some comfort and subsequently gets teased for his small crush on Keith.





	Secrets I Won't Tell You (But I Kinda Want To)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fan fic for this fandom and I basically wrote this instead of working on my presentation. Oops. This takes place after they've switched lions but before they find Shiro. I honestly meant for this to be way shorter and less angst filled than it turned out to be. Oh well. And I don't even think there's much angst anyways.

            Lance shifted his body for what seemed like the millionth time that night. Usually he just flopped into his bed and passed out. Of course, only after spending a half hour doing his skin care routine. Hey, the glow might be natural and Lance wanted to make sure it stayed that way. He argued that if he had nothing else in this world, he would always have the best damn skin. One of the paladins had to be the pretty one and Lance figured it should be him. It’s not like he had anything else to add to the team. Although Allura was defiantly a strong candidate for prettiest paladin in Lance’s mind. She had way nicer hair than his.

            Lance frowned and glared at the ceiling like it just told him that garlic knots were an abomination to the world. With a sigh, he shifted onto his side and checked the time. 2:18am. Great, Lance thought. Just great. Groaning, he stumbled out of the bed, slipping on the lion slippers and made his way to his bathroom. Even Lance could admit he looked awful. The face mask he had put on earlier had smeared everywhere, even reaching his neck in certain areas. After rinsing all of it off, Lance examined the slightly dark circles under his normally cheery blue eyes. His face appeared more gaunt too, cheekbones more pronounced. He just seemed so tired. Well, Lance thought with a grimace, it’s not entirely false, is it? He was exhausted. Ever since Shiro had disappeared, things had just kept changing. First Lotor randomly shows up out of fucking nowhere, then Keith starts to pilot the Black Lion, Lance now pilots Red, but loses Blue to Allura.

            Long story short, things were just different and Lance’s brain was still dealing with all these new changes. It wasn’t like this was new however. He had been like this when they had first discovered Blue and realized what exactly he had signed up for. But even then, he had Blue. When the homesickness got too much, when the battles he had fought that day haunted his every thought, when he could still hear the other paladins screams of pain and terror in ears, he would quietly sneak into the hanger and crawl into Blue. Somehow just sitting in the seat, calmed him. There had even been times when he had fallen asleep, almost cradled to sleep by the Blue Lion’s words and feelings that she would pour into Lance’s mind.

            But he couldn’t do that anymore. Allura was her paladin now, not Lance. Lance shook his head, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He was happy that Allura was her paladin. They needed someone to do it and if Lance couldn’t anymore, he wanted it to be Allura. He had seen her fight and fly and was so desperately glad that he wasn’t the one fighting her. She could kick some serious ass when she wanted. She deserved to be a paladin Lance felt. He sometimes still wondered why Blue had picked him first instead of Allura when they had first reached the castle. It wasn’t as if Blue couldn’t have shut him out and only allow Allura to pilot her.

            Lance splashed more water in his face, like he was trying to wash away the thoughts in his mind. This was getting ridiculous. He couldn’t keep dwelling on these thoughts, these insecurities. Shutting off the water, Lance made up his mind, grabbed a blanket from his bed, and silently marched to the hanger. If he couldn’t have Blue to spill all his secrets to, he would simply spill all his secrets to Red.

            Upon reaching the hanger, Lance quickly twisted his head in every direction, making sure that no one was there. It wasn’t as if he was embarrassed to be seen wrapped in a large fluffy blanket and crawling into his lion in the middle of the night.

            Really he wasn’t. Not one little bit.

            Lance gazed up at Red, silently asking to be let in. Within seconds he felt her presence in his mind, wandering around in his mind, probing his thoughts. He chuckled softly. When the Red Lion first decided to allow him to pilot her, he honestly didn’t understand why. He wasn’t anything like Keith. He wasn’t overly hot headed or reckless. He wasn’t as brave or strong. And he certainly didn’t have an arrest worthy mullet. Seriously, who even has one of those these days?!

            But now Lance kind of understood why he could pilot Red. Red was just as nosy as him, always searching his mind and asking the most ridiculous questions, somehow mostly centered about Keith cause Red was a little shit sometimes and liked to make fun of Lance’s “rivalry” with her former paladin. But it reminded Lance of himself, pestering his little siblings when he would pick them up from school or when he found out they had a crush on someone. Red was the nosy, adventurous part of him that had wanted to see space with his own two eyes so badly that he was willing to give up his family for a chance to fly a real spaceship.

            “Hey Red,” Lance spoke softly, smiling gently. “Won’t you let me in? Come on, I don’t know you can’t resist me. I mean who can?” He moved his eyebrows suggestively, drawing the blanket higher on his shoulders. He can almost feel Red rolling her eyes at him, but still Lance hopped right in as soon as he could, almost jumping in the cockpit seat, curling himself up as comfortably as he could.

            And then the smile faded off his face and he bunched his knees up to face. “Sorry Red, I know this is silly of me, but I can’t keep all this bottled up, you know?” Lance murmured into his knees. “But hey, bonding, right? Although after that time you literally refused to let me out of the lion till I answered your questions, I’m pretty sure you know way too much about my personal life.” He gave a halfhearted glared around the cockpit, which turned into an actual glare as Red began to laugh.

            _You are my paladin now, I feel like it is my duty to know everything about you now._ Lance rolled his eyes at that. “You just like to harass me. I swear you’re as bad as Keith.”

            _Keith would never ask you if you had feelings for him. He’s far too oblivious to even notice that sort of thing._ Lance felt a wave of exasperation flood him, which felt strange as the feeling wasn’t even directed towards him this time.

“Hey, my feelings for Keith are well known by everyone! Sure, I sorta respect him, I mean I have to, he’s our leader now. But my feelings for him are of pure rivalry! I don’t like him or his stupid mullet,” Lance huffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

            _Do I need to lock you in here again? I mean how can we work well together if you would purposely lie to me?_

            “Alright, alright, maybe just maybe,” he paused, checking if anyone was somehow listening in on them. To be fair, he didn’t put it past Pidge to bug all the lions for any other reason than because she could. And Lance was convinced she absolutely could. “Just maybe I have a crush on Keith.”

_And?_ Lance threw the blanket off his shoulders and onto his knees, half tempted to give the lion the finger. He had actually done that once. She just laughed him.

            “Fine, I think his mullet is somehow really sexy on him, even though it should be a fashion crime. Seriously, I swear he doesn’t even try and he just naturally looks sexy. How is that fair Red, how?!” She sent him a flow of sympathetic, yet amused vibes. Lance flopped back, stretching legs over the armrest and bunching up the blanket as a make shift pillow to stick behind his head on the other armrest.

_As much as it’s fun to make you admit your feelings towards him, and it is very fun believe me, I know that it’s not the reason you came down here._

            “Seriously, why did I come down here? I came here for a good time, and I’m feeling personally attacked.” Lance’s hands suddenly became very interested in each other and wouldn’t stop fiddling with each other. “I just…I just couldn’t sleep, you know? My mind wouldn’t stop racing with all these thoughts.” Lance stopped and cracked a smile. “I know right? The others wouldn’t believe me. They’d go ‘Oh my god, Lance can actually think? It’s a Christmas miracle!’”

_Surprisingly, you do a very good impression of the little green one._

            “I’ll put it on my resume. ‘Can do great impressions of Pidge’. I’m sure everyone will hire me after that. Maybe I’ll just go around places imitating her and then people will eventually think I am her.” Lance couldn’t help himself, he chuckled a little at that. Sighing, he raked his fingers through his hair. “I just couldn’t stop thinking about well…everything, so I thought maybe coming down here and talking with you would make me feel better and calm me down a bit.” He closed his eyes, biting down ever so slightly on his bottom lip.

            “Everything’s just so different now. Shiro’s gone, three people are piloting lions they never have before, and I just….I’m worried. About everything. Can we really do this? Can I do this? Does my family think I’m dead?” He stopped after that, his throat closing up too much to continue.

            Red didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to. The bonus to somehow being psychically linked to giant robotic lion was that they could just fill you with feelings. Lance felt himself suddenly bursting with feelings, so many Lance could barely process all of them. But the one he felt most strongly was acceptance, that Red accepted him for all his flaws and still wanted him to fly her.

            Lance was quiet for a little, content with just allowing Red to pour all the feelings Lance needed to feel. After what seemed like a century, Lance opened his slightly damp eyes and immediately went to wipe his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Thanks Red,” he whispered. “I think I really needed that.” They sat there, both allowing the other to feel the other’s emotions without any walls blocking out the unpleasant ones, the emotions flowing seamlessly between their minds.

            Lance suddenly spoke up after the tears on his cheeks had fully dried and his throat no longer felt like a stone was lodged in the middle of it. “Hey Red, wanna hear a secret?”

_Always._ The response was immediate. Lance rolled his eyes. Yeah, this was definitely his lion. Not in the same way Blue was, but he saw himself in the Red Lion all the same.

            “I still remember the bonding moment with Keith, after I shot Sendak. I just…I don’t know. When I got out of the healing pod, I…I lied to Keith and everyone else. I couldn’t help it.”

_Ha. I knew it. Though I do not understand why you would not tell everyone. Keith would’ve been very happy to know that you remember. He was quite distressed you know._

            Lance’s heart sank. Of course Keith had been. That shouldn’t be a surprise really, yet somehow it still made him feel incredibly guilty. “I don’t really understand either. That’s probably why honestly. I just…I didn’t know what to do. Keith had this look on his face and it made me think…” Lance paused, not sure if he really wanted to finish that sentence. He felt Red waiting for him and sighed. He shouldn’t have brought it up if he wasn’t going to finish it. That’s like secret telling 101. If you tell someone, you got to be prepared for them to ask you everything about it.

            “He looked like he liked me. Like really liked me. And I guess I freaked out. Cause there’s no way Keith would like me. I’m just a lucky cargo pilot and Keith is…well you know.”

_Yes. Trust me I know exactly how that child is. He’s an idiot much like you._

            “Awww Red. I think we’re bonding, this is the first time you said that with so much affection.” Lance yawning, stretching his arms up high above his head. “Alright, now you know my secret. Actually, I feel a little better getting that off my chest.” Lance cocked his eyebrow. “You got any secrets you wanna let me in on, huh Red?”

_Yes. I think you’re a massively lovesick idiot who should tell Keith what you just told me. Oh wait you know I think you’re an idiot._

            Lance made an offended sound, slapping his hand to chest. “Rude. But hey, I’m your idiot, am I right?” He made finger gun motions to the front of the cockpit. “I can’t tell Keith, it’s been so long and what would I even say? ‘Hey sorry I kinda thought you might like me back and I completely freaked out? But now that I know you don’t like me at all, it’s all good?’” Lance scoffed. “Yeah, no way. I don’t need that in my life.” He stood up then, recurling the blanket around him. “Thanks Red though, for everything. I really needed that….talk? I mean I guess it was a talk, though it was more of a psychic space bond…thing.”

            The Red Lion made a humming sound, which Lance took to be meant as a you’re welcome sort of sound. He quickly slipped out of the hanger and made his way back to his room, praying that everyone else was still sleeping. As he passed the training room, he heard noises and inwardly groaned. Of course Keith was awake and training. Who else would be training at this ungodly hour? Lance glanced up and down the hallway, scanning the area for the others, then quickly peered into the training room.

            Yep, it was Keith fighting the gladiator. Lance couldn’t help himself from watching him fight. It was captivating the way he moved. Watching Keith fight was something Lance could only describe as beautiful. Keith was artwork that had come to moving so gracefully, something Lance could only dream of possessing. He quickly stifled a yawn, not wanting to be noticed by Keith. After spending all the time with Red, he was seriously ready for some well needed beauty and as much as he wanted to continue watching Keith, he didn’t want to risk getting caught and having to explain why he had been staring at Keith’s ass while he fought. Yeah, Lance really didn’t want to explain that one.

            As Lance trotted down the hallway, he wondered if he should mention the bonding moment to Keith. He shook his head. No, that was a ridiculous idea. Keith didn’t feel anything for him beyond tolerance and Lance thought that was a bit of a stretch at times. And even though Lance was rejected quite often, it was different to be rejected by someone who he truly had feelings for. Someone he was actually serious about. Reaching his room, Lance all but collapsed onto his bed face first. He didn’t even bother checking the time to see how long he had to sleep, he didn’t need that stress to keep him from what little sleep he was about to get.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading all the way to the end! I think I'll probably add a few more chapters to this, although I can't say when I'll update it. Feel free to leave kudos/comment if you enjoyed it! Constructive criticism is always welcome! (Also if anyone has any ideas for a better title please tell me. I legit forgot that I had to make a title until I started posting this and just made something up)


End file.
